Hitting the gym.........again.

Joined another gym. Have got to make it stick this time. Coming up on 30 years old, and I don't want to be out of shape anymore. Getting winded sucks. Having scrawny arms sucks. My beer-belly (a.k.a.: inactivity belly) is a little rediculous. I need to get over my "Man I look dumb working out....I'm not even lifting that much weight" mentality. Not trying to be shredded, but it's frustrating to see people my age, height, and weight, who are in way better shape than me. I gotta start eating better, too. More veggies, more fish, LESS Taco Bell.

Not drinking lasted 25 days.....then right back to shitfaced in one night. Although that night has made self-control MUCH easier, I'm still not sure if I really want to go back to drinking. Not an alcoholic, by any means, I just don't like the belly.....as superficial as that sounds.

Ugh for work.
Ugh for this weather.
Ugh for my room being 10 degrees cooler than the rest of the house.
Ugh for not having a motorcycle........YET!

Awesome for everything else.

Observations I've made

I have a blog that I never use. Sometimes I can't really justify having one, and other times, I just need to be able to write/read what it is that is bothering me, or whatever, in hopes that that will make it make more sense.

~I drink entirely too much.....common folk call it binge drinking. I've noticed that the following day, regardless of how much I drink, I have chest pains, trouble breathing, sensitivity all over my body, aches and pains, and I bruise way easier......not to mention missing work because of being hungover. All of these things are amplified based on how much I drink......light drinking = light symptoms, heavy drinking = feeling like death worked me over for 2-3 days straight. I know now what I need to do, and that is quit. It's not that big of a deal, I did it before for a month, I just need to make it last now.

~Bulletwolf rules. Period.

~One coworker is making me want to smash his skull in. Consistent with his errors, and nobody in management will do anything about it. Instead, all of us have to deal with his idiocy, and hope that he doesn't drag us down with him. The days are going by so slow because of having to stop all the time to fix his fuckups. Been here 7 1/2 months, and has the security access codes to the warehouse.......over people like myself who've been here longer, and over some other coworkers who've been here 10+ years. Just goes to show: S'ing D's will get you far. Fuck that dude.

~I am finally caught up on my bills. Just sucks because I'm now broke. Vicious cycle.

~Fuck credit.

~I have got to get a motorcyle next spring. I think getting out on the road is something that will do me some good. Especially on those days when you feel like you are the statue and not the bird.

I'm sure there's more, and maybe I can be better about posting on this thing, in hopes of not stressing myself to the max and snapping.

Somehow......

It always seems like things hit a brick wall and turn to shit, inevitably right after things start looking up.....like, it's some sadistic way of keeping me in check or something. I get my debts paid off, and a week later my truck breaks down. Then my Uncle is in the hospital, nothing major, so far.....then my Aunt calls to inform me that my Grandpa is in the hospital because he tried to kill himself by overdosing on his morphine prescription.

1 word: Awesome.
1 word to describe the first word: Sarcasm.

I'm not even that sad, I'm more pissed off at him. Seeing as my grandparents raised me for most of my life, I was brought up to not take shit from anybody (which I'm getting better at) and to just be strong......and now this? I understand he is hurt from my Grandmother passing, but I don't think he understands the full effect it would have if he left before his time. Basically, my family loses the house because my Aunt who lives there is unemployed, and my Uncle (her brother) is on S.S., which won't cover shit. Not sure how much my Grandpa gets on his retirement from the Air Force and the U.S.P.S, but it can't be much.......unless they're terrible at budgeting.......................wait a minute, I was for a while there, maybe it's in the blood.

After losing the house, there is no telling where they would go. My mom had mentioned assisted living for my Uncle, who, aside from being overweight, isn't crippled. He will love that. My Aunt and cousin who live there? Who knows.

I feel like a ass for not talking to my family very often, but it's just so goddddddamn depressing. I'm busting my ass to make a better life for myself. I have to take myself out of situations that I myself deem detrimental to me doing better for myself, and if that means not hanging with my family, then so be it. I feel bad for my youngest cousin, only because she hasn't even hit high school yet and seems to be hopelessly lost on the whole "image" thing.

Ugh.

It's Official.........

After years of being in the red, I am now officially out of debt. I still have my 'regular' bills, but nothing that I am behind on, or in collections on. I had crap that dated back almost 8 years. Long time coming, and damn right, I'm giving myself a pat on the back.

The whole sober thing has reached 19 days. I feel better, I've saved a shit-ton of money, I feel accomplished. Now to get this belly gone by spring!!!!

Vacation schedule is going around at work, and for the first time in a couple of years, I don't have a vacation planned. Not neccesarily a bad thing, but somehow I tie that to my failure at relationships. No lady = no vacation to plan. Oh well. I need to focus on me for a while, and for the first time in a long while.

Watched a documentary called "It Might Get Loud" last night. Makes me really appreciate the guitar, and being a guitarist, and at the same time makes me want to totally change my approach to my playing and become more serious about it.

Bulletwolf is still writing. Taking a while, but the songs are awesome. Getting ready to move practice spaces. Maybe a new surrounding will help with the inspirado.

Party.