I decided to take the day off today to take the time to go visit my grandma. Since I last saw her, she was on a respirator, and the doctors and nurses had all said that there wasn't much they could do for her. Well, today, as I was sitting there, she was able to "talk" to me, and I say that because she hasn't talked in 6 weeks, and has had a breathing tube in her throat which has affected her vocal chords. Anyways.....I had just missed my grandpa by about 20 minutes, and according to the nurse on hand, she slept through his whole visit and had just woken up when I walked in. I pulled up a chair and she put her hand up. I held her hand, and she repositioned herself in her bed to be a bit closer to me. Bad thing is, her hands are in restraints to keep her from pulling her trach-tube, or anything else for that matter, out.
As I'm sitting there holding my grandma's hand, I tell her that I know she hates hospitals, doctors, nurses, medicine, and all that jazz, but she has to understand that these are the things that are making her better and will eventually lead to her coming home. I asked her to squeeze my hand if she understood.....she did. When she "talked" it was really raspy, like having an extremely dry throat in the middle of a snowstorm with blustery winds. I do know she asked me for a Pepsi. I told her that was out of the question, to which she mustered up a "Why?". I told her she could have all the Pepsi she wanted when she got home.
Throughout my visit, she cried off and on, which of course made me cry. My family isn't one of those "I love you" familys. We don't hug, we don't say I love you, we just kind of get along. So, seeing my grandma cry and sitting there holding her hand was realllllllly tough.
I asked her if she missed her dog Max, she looked at me, squeezed my hand and said yes. I told her about our new puppy Barley and asked her if she wanted to see a picture. She said yes, so I showed her my cell phone. Her eyes got a little bigger, and I think she tried to smile. After I put my phone away, she said "Dog", so I asked her if she wanted to see him again, and she did, so I obliged. I told her about Kate. I told her that I wanted her to meet Kate. I told her that the hardest part of her being in the hospital was me being scared that she wasn't going to make it, and not be able to see me get married. She started crying again, and I followed suit.
After being there about 30 minutes, through all the crying, and the overall hardness of seeing her like that, I told her I needed to get going, but I promised to come back with Kate so she could finally meet her. Still holding my hand, she lifted it and put her lips on it to give me a kiss goodbye. I gave her a kiss on the hand and told her I loved her and to get some rest. I promised her we'd be back to see her tomorrow. I made her promise me to get some rest. She squeezed my hand and mustered up a "Okay" and "I love you".
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